This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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