He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
