If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Randomize
