I think i peed on brittanys purse
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's shark week go big or go home
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
