4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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