He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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