Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
