I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I smell stomach acid.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
