I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
