Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
