Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
