This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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