She announced her abortion via fbk
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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