I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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