the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
