my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
