So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
