i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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