I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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