I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
