So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We had to coat check the pizza.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
