My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
