He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
