There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
