you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
