If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
