Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
