Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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