That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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