It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Randomize
