His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
