Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
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some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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