Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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