today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
