I didn't shave. On purpose
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
