so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
