who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
