If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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