I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
