Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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