Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
