Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
