you guys were way drunker than both of me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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