Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
