Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
