My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Panties = found
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
