just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
