Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
