I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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