sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
