yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
