Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
