Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
