Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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