just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
