Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
