WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
