Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
