it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
