He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
