I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
