i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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