I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
