Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
