Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
