Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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