That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
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i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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