I wish I could teleport
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
