There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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