I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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