Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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